Where is the I ?

Let's take an example and see if there is a "I" really

Statutory Warning: All the "I"'s in this post are merely mithya and have no real resemblance to anything Real  

            I am seated in meditation and I hear from outside "This is a wonderful movie" . So at first I hear this as simple perception. Then the next thoughts: "they are watching a movie"; "I miss it";"it is a wonderful movie thye say"; "what could it be?" ; "could it be my fav. movie?" ; "oh! that movie i always missed"; "CD is also not available"; "but i should not get up from meditation" ...

Please see the stream of thoughts carefully. This is a very subtle analysis. The first perception is pure perception... its called idam vritti, this thought. The next few thoughts have an "I" in them ... they are called aham vrittis or "I" thoughts. What is happening here? Clearly an aham vritti is not me. Coz, i outlive it. thought comes and dies that very moment. This is what happens. Please observe this carefully and i am sure it will really work wonders during the actual attempt to do self inquiry. so, aham vritti cannot be me.

For example when t he thought "I miss this movie " arises, is there any such "I" apart from the thought? IF there was such an "I" apart from the thought, then the experience of that "I" should have been in the absence of the thought also. Since there is no such "I", we need the thought "I miss this movie" to really miss the movie! Now, that thought arises and passes away! What remains before and after that ? Awareness ! and Awareness does not have any of this "missing" . And then the next thought "I want to see this movie" arises. How is this thought getting connected with the previous thought?

Lets take two consecutive "I" thoughts: "I like that movie" ; "i miss it now" ... is the "I" of the first thought same as the "I" of the second thought? They are parts of two different "I" thoughts. they have no commonality. Please see this. The first "I" and the second "I" are not same persons. they are two different entities. two different thoughts. its like a movie. a series of fast moving static pictures create the illusion of a movie. the first static picture and the second static picture are different. but mind does not see the gap. BTW, i am not suggesting that we should start watching gaps. that’s a good practise, but that’s not the point here.

The point here is that there is really no continuous entity between these "I" thoughts ... there are only sparks of "I" thoughts that come and die... but like a movie ... they create the illusion of a continuous entity called "I". the awareness which is uniform basis of all thoughts is continuous and its continuity is superimposed on the "I"'s which are disjoint. there is really no entity called "I" !! There is only awareness within and a few "I" thoughts happening like sparks and dying there and then. there is no continuity between them. Do we see this carefully ? Its really a mistery that momentary thoughts are able to create trouble. The lifespan of a thought is a moment! A series of such momentary thoughts create a feeling that there is a continuous "I" thats getting affected by the events !!

Where is an "I" thats affected by the perceptions ? There is nothing like that. Only a few "I" thoughts which arise and pass away. The Sense of "I" is only a illusion created by a series of fast moving "I" thoughts. On a static movie scree a lot of still photos are projected -- and when they are projected at a fast enough pace, it appears as if there is a movie! Really speaking the continuity of the screen is "superimposed" on the thoughts ! The thoughts are momentary, they pass away. This is what is meant by saying that its a maya! How strange, momentary thoughts are able to create a web called samsara for us !! Self inquiry breaks this illusion.

Self inquiry is merely to break this sense of continuity. What one is expected to do is not ask "who am i" and wait for an answer ... but to simply shift attention towards the "Awareness" which is like the screen of the movie of these "I" thoughts and remain there. so one remains as awareness seeing that there is really no "I" ... only static and disjoint "I" thoughts occurring like sparks. every time an "I" thought arises, it has the tendency to build the train of thoughts and create the illusion of a continuous "I" entity. So, Self inquiry simply breaks this ... by shifting attention away from that thought and remaining as Awareness.

We shift attention to the subject of the "I" thought. That is Self inquiry. The moment attention is shifted to the subject, the "I" thought continuity is destroyed. what this does is breaks the tendency to create a train of thoughts ... and breaks the possibility of the creation of an "I" notion... which is anyway an illusion as seen from above analysis. thus one remains as awareness or with the sense of "I AM" which is the "I" of the "I", i.e., the Subject of the "i" thought ... or the Awareness. This is Self inquiry ... to remain without an "I" notion within... that means: there is awareness within, which is pure witness and there is this physical body which is jada and has no knowing of its own ... and there is no "I" within to fight with happenings etc.

There is really no "I", Awareness within and jada body outside thats all an a series of momentary "I" thoughts arising! Knowing this and being thus, there remains none to react to a happening. What IS, simply IS.

Sri Adi Shankaracharya's Jaagrata Jaagrata

OM!
 
एक वृक्षसमारूढा नानाजाति विहङ्गमाः।
प्रभते क्रमशो यान्ति तत्र का परिदेवना॥



         This is a simple poem which is supposedly by Sri Adi shankracharya. These thoughts can be very useful for meditation, we can memorize these verses and meditate on their meaning to develop the attitude of vairagya. There are several such works attributed to sri Adi Shankaracharya which may not have been actually by Sri Adi Shankaracharya himself. May be some of these were by another acharya of the shankara parampara. However in this context the content of the verses is more important than the person who wrote them.


माता नास्ति पिता नास्ति नास्ति बन्धुः सहोदरः।
अर्थँ नास्ति गृहँ नाति तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

 जन्म दुःखँ जरा दुःखँ जाया दुःखँ पुनः पुनः।
सँसारसागरँ दुःखँ तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

कामक्ष्च क्रोधक्ष्च लोभक्ष्च देहे तिष्ठन्ति तस्कराः।
ज्ञनरत्नापहाराय तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

आशाया बध्यते जन्तुः कर्मणा बहुचिन्तया।
आयु क्षीणँ न जानाति तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

सम्पदः स्वप्नसँकाशाः यौवनँ कुसुमोपम्।
विधुच्चन्चचँल आयुषँ तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

क्षणँ वित्तँ क्षणँ चित्तँ क्षणँ जीवितमावयोः।
यमस्य करूणा नास्ति तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

यावत् कालँ भवेत् कर्म तावत् तिष्ठन्ति जन्तवः।
तस्मिन् क्षीणे विन्श्यन्ति तत्र का परिदेवना॥

... ऋणानुबन्धरूपेण पशुपत्निसुतादयः।
ऋणक्षये क्षयँ यान्ति तत्र का परिदेवना॥

पक्वानि तरूपर्णानि पतन्ति क्रमशो यथा।
तथैव जन्तवः काले तत्र का परिदेवना॥

एक वृक्षसमारूढा नानाजाति विहङ्गमाः।
प्रभते क्रमशो यान्ति तत्र का परिदेवना॥

इदँ काष्ठँ इदम् काश्ट्ःअँ नध्यँ वहतिसँगतः।
सँयोगाक्ष्च वियोगाक्ष्च का तत्र परिदेवना॥

This is an attempt to meditate on this wonderful text to see the Truth as explained in it.

Quote

माता नास्ति पिता नास्ति नास्ति बन्धुः सहोदरः।
अर्थँ नास्ति गृहँ नास्ति तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥
There is no mother, no father, no relationships nor any siblings.
No money or house. Therefore be alert, Wake up!

The whole idea in presenting such statements has to be very clearly appreciated. The idea is not to encourage us to condemn all our relationships. The idea is not to leave parents etc. The idea is to be understood in proper context. For this we need to explore these relationships with care. We will see its not exactly the relationship that is a problem. Never is a relationship a bondage. But we make all relationships into bondage. We will explore this very carefully, but what exactly is a relationship ?

All our relations are in the mind and they are all with reference to the body. When a child is born, the body is there, but no relations are there for the child. I may feel this child is my son or daughter, but the child does not feel any relationship. As the child grows, he is fed with memories and thoughts and out of those memories and thoughts certain relationships are formed. So now the child has a father , a mother, a relative, a friend, a brother or a sister etc. As the child grows up he picks up new relationships which are nothing but mental roles he picks up. The role is simply a collection of thoughts, ideas, memories etc which are all based on the body.

Lets take a simple example to see how relationships are formed. What happens is a teenager sees a girl and the first perception he has is a simple perception of the girl, nameless simple perception. Then the next thought, "she is beautiful", "I would like to befriend her" ... and very soon he is in love with her!! That relationship of a lover is simply a combination of his thoughts, ideas, memories etc.

And then the girl leaves him. The thoughts of the girl are there in his mind, but the girl is not there to relate to. And he is suddenly in intense suffering. When the thoughts of the relationship is there, but they cannot be expressed as the body itself is not available, the person is missed. This is exactly how we miss someone.

The thoughts of the related person along with the person's physical presence are both required to correspond. The sweet moments in any relationship are remembered and when the person cannot related there is intense disappointment and sorrow.

Now if the thoughts and memories related to a relationship are not there, where is the relationship ? the physical presence with no related thoughts would leave the person non-responsive. the thoughts without physical presence makes the person disappointed. Both are problems.

To add to all this, the relations themselves are built upon expectations. If I meet my mother and she does not speak to me and does not even care that I came home ... I feel hurt. She herself may be perhaps brooding over something else. So every relationship has lot of expectations in-built into the relationship. If those expecations are not met, the relationship gets into a very tense mode.

In Brhadaranyaka upanishad there is a beautiful verse that says "A person loves his spouse not for his spouse but for his own sake". Thats a very profound statement. When I love a person or an object, its coz that object gives me happiness. So all search for any object, any relationship, any idea is only a search for happiness. Through all our relationships we are seeking our own fulfillment. I feel I am fulfilled if i have a son or a daughter. The problem is not with the relationship but with the attempt to find fulfillment through that relationship. This attempt to find fulfillment through relationships surfaces as a set of expecations from that relationship. The expecations are all wrong ideas that when the relationship is in such and such a state I get fulfilled. since i feel i will be fulfilled through a relationship, I long for the relationships and have lot of expecations from it.

The relationships never bind, but the person is bound by expecations, which inturn are dependent upon the idea that I am unfulfilled.We get bound by our idea that "I am a lacking individual". Expectations also cannot bind us unless we feel that if those expectations are not met we are unfulfilled. So what needs to be worked upon is not the expectation, but the feeling that "I am a lacking individual who becomes fulfilled when the expectations are fulfilled". Thats why when I see myself as a fulfilled individual, life becomes a joy ride. The problem is, I see myself habitually as a lacking individual. We need to work on this because its habitual. Even when the teacher tells the student that "You are Already fulfilled", the student continues to abide in the sense of being a lacking individual out of habit. This needs to be worked upon. How ? One has to distinctly see oneself as totally unaffected by anything that happens ! this means to see no need for a strong expectation -- where a strong expectation may be called a binding expectation. A binding expectation is the feeling that in it I can find fulfillment. So cornered upon the understanding that "I Am fulfilled", one has to see through the tough situations and ideas : not identifying with the feelings and thoughts of the mind.
No relation gets the capacity to bind unless we depend upon it for our own sense of fulfillment. The relations act as a trigger for various expecations. Thats where the problem develops. The relationship triggers expecations , hopes and from then on, the person is caught in the relationship.  This asha or desire [expecation] develops because I try to find fulfillment from the relationships.

We can explore this further... Now why is the expecation there? Expectation is there because I am unaware of my own nature. Knowing myself as Ananda, I would no more depend upon a relationship to fulfill myself. Knowing myself as Ananda Svarupa is an absolute necessity and it cannot be postponed. If we look out of our windows towards a busy street, we find streams of automobiles moving in various directions. It might appear that there are so many different people seeking different things in life. But in essence  all of them are really seeking just one thing: Their own Fulfillment. Happiness.

Seeking happiness is various objects of the world is a disease. Seeking fulfillment through the relationships is what is being addressed here. But the idea is just the same for any object. Someone may not have much respect for relationships but this person is running madly after money ! He too is equally in trouble. Thats why the verse says artham na asti. Seeking fulfillment in the objects of the world or in relationships is a disease. It hides our own true nature which is really happiness and it also hurts us when the objects eventually leave us. Suppose I am deeply attached to my money and then I lose money. if i do not lose money, my ability to find fulfillment through that money will be lost. so when these are lost, there is suffering. why should i suffer all this superimposing happiness on the objects of the world. When i myself am the source of happiness, why should i torture myself by running after the objects of the world ? We need to ponder within. Of what avail are all these ?

A simple experiment can reveal to us that Happiness never comes from the object but from within.
Suppose there is an object which if i get i get happiness. and i am sleeping and i imagine that object is with me. i am happy.
Suppose again that the object is there by my side but i am dreaming that its lost. there is sadness!!

so its not the object itself ... but the mental idea of my possessing it that is giving me joy. which means that happiness comes from within!! never from that object. coz the object , if it has to give me pleasure... it has to become a part of my mind and i should mentally possess it!! that means pleasure is coming from within.

now, having understood this much, when the object can never make me happy ... why long for them ? Habitually we still continue to depend upon these. so the verse aims to shake of such a dependency... when those dependencies are shaken off one sees oneself as one is and so will be able to perceive that one is Ananda Svarupa. Thus remaining as oneSelf, one is Freed of all dependencies. Having freed oneself of dependencies one may continue to relate to everyone as one choses.

The basis for all relationships is this body. I relate through this body. I am the body idea is a base idea from which all these dependencies originate. The verse says mata nasti ... there is no relationship called mother. the idea is to see myself as independent of all relationships. the idea is to shake off the dependencies on the relationships.

The verse continues to say artham nasti. money is not there. the idea is to shake myself of the dependence on money.

so all relationships and related emotions, ideas, expectations and excitements are put at rest. coz i am not this body and therefore none of the relationships hold any significance for me.
and so too, dependence on money is set to rest.

Person is left without any expectations as there is nothing to expect from. The objects are dismissed. One has to see oneself thus... where no expecations are triggered from any objects. Thats how one sees oneself as a free person. These verses are wonderful verses for meditation.

The best way to "See" them is to see oneself as without body. Now no relations hold, no money or no house... thus waking up, one sees oneself as one IS and remain Thus.

Quote

जन्म दुःखँ जरा दुःखँ जाया दुःखँ पुनः पुनः।
सँसारसागरँ दुःखँ तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

Birth is sorrow, aging is sorrow, spose is sorrow !
Samsara itself is sorrow, therefore remain awake! be alert!

Actually duHkha and suHkha are two terms that are used very often.
Basically Kha means space. And Duh -is bad; Su is good.
Either good (mental) space or bad (mental) space. [just mental space without any of these modification is awareness]

Meaning either comfortable situation or a situation of discomfort. We all face such situations in life. Take for example the general temperature. Some times the temperature is pleasant. Some other times its not pleasant.

The problem is when comfort is mistaken for happiness. The situation may be comfortable or uncomfortable. I need to maintain the calmness of mind and remain conflictless within. When the discomfort is carried into mind ... its called unhappiness. When the discomfort is at the physical level ... its simply discomfort.

Let me explain this more. I know a sanyasin who is a great scholar. I met him once and asked him "Sir, you speak of all this Aham Brahmasmi etc, can you remain happy if you are denied sleep for 10 days". He is such a nice person that i could take the liberty to ask such a question. He said "See... physically there will be discomfort. no one can deny that. But mentally there should be total acceptance"
an old woman ... who was hardly able to walk, was there in that meeting. she got up after a few minutes and said "you are speaking well [though she was speaking telugu and did not understand a single word of english]. I am very happy" and left. He said "Do you see this? Physically, do you think she is in any condition to feel happy ? Physically, her body is totally wrecked. she is totally discomfortable. but mentally small things can give happiness. one needs to differentiate between these two".

its such a learning.
Discomfort cannot be avoided. Happiness should not be sacrificed for anything.

Janma or birth is dukkam as there is discomfort. if the person is not alert, it gets converted into mental discomfort.
same with aging. As one ages, there are diseases, the person cannot enjoy sense pleasures the same way he or she once used to etc. there is discomfort which is unavoidable. But one should make sure to not get into mental level of discomfort.

Spouse  ... nothing against a wife or a husband as such. But attachment breeds problems. A house holder is fine as long as he or she does not become house held. We get entangled in relations , emotions, ideas... the ideas , emotions or relations are never a problem. We use them to entangle ourselves and then are found helpless. There is a nice story ...

A student goes to a guru and says "Sir, This worldliness is not leaving me. Can you please help me get rid of it?"
The teacher says "Ok, come with me for a walk" and so they were going for a walk and then the guru simply starts walking faster and soon moves away from his sight. and then the student hears a shout "help! Help!" ... upon tracing the source he finds that the teacher is holding onto the tree and shouting "help! help! this tree is not leaving me"

"how can you say that the tree is not leaving you sir, its you who are holding onto it", the student said.

The guru simply smiled and said "Thats exactly the point with your worldliness. Tell me which part of the world is holding onto you ?"

Thats exactly how we create problems where there are none. And we do it almost unconsciously. When its said that samsara, this worldliness is a problem ... the idea is not that the world holds our neck and tortures us. As even, if i am a diabetic... no sweet would force me to gulp it up! I, due to my excess attachments, feed myself with sweets and then I say "The sweet is bad". the sweet is bad, as i am not alert and I have an unconscious tendency to get attracted towards them.

The same thing with our worldliness as well. Shankara says in Bhaja govindam : Yogaratho va bhogaratova sanga ratho va sanga vihina. yasyah brahmani ramate cittam, nandati nandati nandati eva"

"Whether the person is in yoga[totally non-indulgence] or bhoga[indulgence]. Whether the person is amongst people or in seclusion. The one whose mind revels in Brahman is Ever Blissful."

Thats why its important to Be Alert and  Awake to the reality.
This sloka says that worldliness is a breeding ground for sorrow, if one is attached. therefore one needs to detach oneself from worldliness and revel in Brahman. Thereafter the person does not run after pleasures ... what comes his way due to prarabdha karma , if it is dharmic, he enjoys it. and what ever painful situations present to him due to prarabdha karma , he patiently bears it. he remains ever reveling in happiness without making the discomforts in situtations into mental disturbances or unhappiness.

So one needs to bring this to mind again and again and see how we are creating troubles in our lives through each of these means. We do not shun he means, but we just see how we are creating problems in our own lives by excess attachments and placing conditions upon ourselves. How we are creating troubles for ourselves using our own expecations and desires. We need to see that clearly within. Thats when we will naturally leave that and remain with ourselves.

Quote

कामक्ष्च क्रोधक्ष्च लोभक्ष्च देहे तिष्ठन्ति तस्कराः।
ज्ञनरत्नापहाराय तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

Kama (desires), Krodha (Anger), Lobha (Greed) are like theifs in this body who steal the jewel called "Jnana" [Self Knowledge]. Therefore be alert! Be Awake!

Friends, lets explore Kama, Desires first. We will clearly see how we ourselves create the whole web and get stuck in it. Lets see.

Kama means desire. Desires are there because we think we become better by getting a "particular object". We feel unfulfilled and incomplete within and then if we get something we will become complete and fulfilled. Therefore we desire that object which is a means to make me complete.

And we constantly feed our mind with this desire. How were these desires developed in the first place? By constantly thinking of an object we develop desire for them. In Bhagavad Gita its said "By meditating on objects, we develop association with them and from that association we develop desires, from desires (when they are unfulfilled) we grow anger and when in anger we forget all the teachings etc and thereby our Buddhi and all understanding goes waste. Thus we fall"

Its such a clear description of the entire mechanism. We "meditate " -- please see the usage of the word ! We meditate on the objects and develop association with them. First time I see some object its just an object. Then we constantly think abt it and develop ragam -- attachment. This is how desires are born. Thus, in order to undo this process, we should stop meditating on the objects  .

we should develop the habit of not giving too much mental place for any object. Even when seeing things ,we should not see the objects with too much attention ... we need to develop this attitude of looking at the world like a passing cloud. This overall attitude eases the conflicts in mind.

Lets also take a look at how we create these conflicts within. First we meditate on the objects of the world and develop lot of associations . And now suppose a religious person comes to us and says "you should not have desires" and perchance we agree with him ... then there is an inner conflict. We have fed the mind for a long long time that objects make us happy. The mind is fed with various thoughts about the objects as well. And some memories too! so now suddenly when we feed the mind "Leave everything there is no joy in objects" ... there are two conflicting ideas in mind. And what happens ? Some times one of these wins and some other times the other idea wins. And if we observe how we have fed the mind with the objects... suppose we pick a particular object ... say pleasure in sexual activity. We have lot of memories of sexual activity = happiness. We have these memories in the brain and they act as testimonials .  its in-wired in our memory.

Now suddenly this new suggestion "You are Happiness, Sex is not going to make you better" ... its too meek to counter the other idea. So we have to put in force to make this work. This is inner conflict and pressure. When the conflict is entertained in the mind ... pressure starts to build up and one is really in tough situations.

One has to handle all this intelligently now. One cannot simply go on a headon fight. Conflict is unavoidable. The previous wrong vasanas or wrong notions have to be countered. But  intelligently. One needs to have a proper strategy. The basic strategy is as follows:

a) Avoid adharmic pleasures totally. : By force. This itself is a tough thing to do. But then, a student of vedanta needs to do it. This is also very important to practise. Dharmic lifestyle means telling the truth and non adultery mentally etc. Its not really all that simple. One needs to practise this virtue. Simple things like coloring the facts to gain some advantage is adharma. One needs to be very careful.

b) Now with Dharmic desires. These also need to be ultimately undone. But, one cannot straight away do away with them. So what one does with dharmic desires is :
        b1) Develop Viveka :
                Throgh Shastra sravanam, study of works of Ramana, Ramakrishna , Chandrashekara
                 saraswati ji etc. which act as mananam and then meditating on our true nature.
       b2) Develop Vairagya:
                 Contemplating on the transient nature of the world and seeing things of the world as
               projections of mind -- like a dream. Reading yoga vasishta etc and contemplating on their
              meaning would be useful if the student had the good fortune to listen to a teacher on
              mandukya or the texts themselves.

This way, slowly the inner vasanas are reduced and we will be able to really own up the desirelessness.

Quote

आशाया बध्यते जन्तुः कर्मणा बहुचिन्तया।
आयु क्षीणँ न जानाति तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

We are [The animal -humans are also addressed as animals here]  bound by Expectations: various activities and excess thinking. so much so that we do not recognize the ebbing away of life. Therefore be awake! Be Awake!

This is a beautiful line to meditate upon. What binds us is always our own expectations. An expectation is a mental or physical destination - which is seen to provide us with a sense of fulfillment. We need to understand that we are already fulfilled and nothing can alter that state. We predecide upon the destination we want to reach and then onwards we are constantly working to reach that destination. Constantly thinking as to how we can reach that destination.

What binds us is not really the activities, what binds us is not the thinking itself. what binds us is the "fixed" and very strong attachment to a destination. Our own expectations bind us, because its based upon a wrong premise that ' i am unfulfilled or lacking'. Fullfilment is already given to all of us we need to simply own it up by countering the wrong habit patterns which drive us to think the other way. The activity does not have a capacity to bind us, we give it a capacity to bind us by first fixing an expectation-- by granting the idea that "i am a lacking individual".

Like, driving a car is absolutely fine. But if I have a destination pre-fixed: I must reach my office in 5 mins. Can we imagine the kind of tension and troubles it can create ?Just driving the car does not have the capacity to bind us or create trouble for us. But if we have set a destination "I want to not drive the car but go home and sleep", now ? Suddenly the activity becomes troublesome. The activity becomes a bondage.

So we all get bound by expectations through various activities and lot of thinking. The activities are not themselves binding but when we have huge expectations they become a bondage. and similarly thinking. When my thinking is centered around a set of expecations, it creates tension.

And in all these tensions and worries, as we are running after different destinations in life, suddenly we recognize that the life itself has passed away!!

Suppose we ask "Why these expecations?", the answer is obvious: "When i reach there, i will be happy"
Even if i reach any destination in life [success, career, family life, possessions etc], that happiness comes from within and never from without. It has always been compared to a dog chewing a dry bone. The dog chewing a bone thinks that the blood is coming from the dry bone, while the blood is oozing from its own injured jaws. Thats how it is. Happiness always comes from within. Its a pity that we have to depend on an external situation or circumstance for our happiness. And all our expecations are based on the false premise that happiness lies in some external destination --- some  external situation would make me fulfilled.

So if we just drop the expectations. No where to go, nothing to do!
Absolutely Here, and no where to go!!
what else to do ?

And suddenly we see that we are very relaxed, blissful, lite etc!
now no matter what activities we involve in ... its absolutely fine.

We can even draw a few artificial destinations ... knowing pretty well that those destinations are just fancy destinations created for the purpose of a game and just move about in life. Just as , when we play a game of cricket, we create a boundary. the boundary is only to make it a game. We can also have losely held destinations, knowing fully well that We are the source of all Bliss and there is no where to go , nothing to do. Then, those lose destinations of life become simple lines of the boundary in a cricket or a football match. They do not bind us anymore.

Dropping the idea that I am a lacking individual and disbelieving it once and for all is liberation!

Quote

सम्पदः स्वप्नसँकाशाः यौवनँ कुसुमोपम्।
विधुच्चन्चचँल आयुषँ तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

All possessions are like what are seen in a dream, youthfulness is only for a short time , like a flower's lifetime. Life passes away like a lightening therefore be alert!

When we dream, we might possess a lot of valuable objects, but the moment we wake up all the objects are gone. In a dream if we say "This object should not go", that very idea will create lot of anguish. The dream objects cannot be held onto. This world that we experience is just a dream. Nothing more.
There is absolutely no difference between a dream and this world that we experience. Things come and they go. Any attempt to "Stop the Flow" is really stupid. Nothing can stop it.

What are possessions ? I posses a gold coin, say,  does the coin feel that its mine ? I feel its mine. the coin does not have any such feelings. So when a thief comes and takes it away, i cry that "my" gold coin is leaving me! But the coin never says "See i am his coin, u cannot take me".
When we see this with respect to a gold coin, we feel its very trivial, but when we see our body in the same light ... we see ... the body ages. And the body does not have any complaints abt it!! We complain about the body's aging. The body simply flows. I may be worried that the body is aging, as i have projected an idea that this body is mine! But the body does not feel so.

If we observe carefully ... the whole world is simply flowing away. The stream of life does not stop. Its flowing constantly. Suppose we are sitting in a train, we clearly see the motion. we clearly see that everything is moving away. No scenary lasts long. The journey of life is no different. All this is passing away.

Like a lightening, our life is passing away. So swift. unfortunately, being a part of it, we miss the motion. We try to hold onto everything and trying to stop everything from moving . By the very nature of things, the possessions shall pass away. They are like sceneries we see when we are sitting in a train and watching outwards. This journey of life is like a burning candle. its constantly burning away. Every moment I live is like another step I have taken towards death.

This is just the  same as a dream. We have created a marked separation: this is waking life and this is a dream. But in reality, both are just the same. Everything is simply a dream. We need to recognize this fact and drop any attempt to hold onto anything. Coz things , by nature, pass away in a dream. One cannot stop a dream object from moving away.

Lets just do a small experiment. Suppose in my dream, I am dreaming all this, I left my home to office and right now i am in my office. where is my house ? In a dream, what ever i see is what is. My seeing and the objects being ... they are mutually dependent. I see my office, therefore it is, and the office is imagined and therefore i see. Thats the nature of maya. Everything is mutually dependent. When i am seeing my office ... in my dream ... where is my house ? No where !!
However, when i drive back to my home ... the home appears where it is ... how ? Merely based on memory! This is how it is in dream and thats exactly how it is in waking also.
This moment alone is!

 when we see this, and release our mind of all the attachments for the objects of the world... we remain free!! We are naturally Alert, coz we have no burdens in mind. We are here, now! Thats what is Jagrata jagrata.

Quote

क्षणँ वित्तँ क्षणँ चित्तँ क्षणँ जीवितमावयोः।
यमस्य करूणा नास्ति तस्मात् जाग्रत जाग्रत॥

Money, memory and life are all momentary.
Lord Yama, the lord of death, does not show any mercy. Therefore be awake!!

Often we waste most of our lives accumulating more and more possessions and the moments of death draw near, thats when we recognize that it has been too late. We have spent all our times trying to accumulate objects of enjoyment, but have actually forgotten to live life!
Yama is just time... time does not show mercy on anyone. One cannot say "Oh! Please wait one more moment, there are a few more things to achieve"
Time does not give that sort of a flexibility. And no one knows when one shall simply fall and pass away.
Its like that and when I say this, I am not being pessimistic here. This is just the truth as it is.

This life is simply a journey. We are as if sitting in this vehicle called body and holding onto one or the other object along the way. The objects pass away, the vehicle is moving. i have no choice and i cannot even make the vehicle not move. and so , the vehicle is constantly moving and now I am constantly trying to hold onto the objects and cry every time an object leaves. And even the vehicle is slowly waning away! thats the kind of journey. Obviously the journey is a burden, coz of my attitude towards it. I do not accept it as a journey, I treat it as a permanant residence  and therefore I suffer. This attitude needs to be changed. When we change our attitude and look at life as a flow, nothing to hold onto ... and we start living our life like a holliday thats when we start to enjoy it. We need to look at it like a pleasure trip: with pleasure always coming from within. Everything is beautiful, but the joy is really coming from within ... so everywhere, everytime I am at joy with myself. Thus reveling as self, this flow just goes on! no worries, no sorrows, no troubles : just present in the moment, in this moment alone... the past moment is gone never to be back again and the next moment has not yet come. Therefore revel in this moment.... being here, now!

Quote

यावत् कालँ भवेत् कर्म तावत् तिष्ठन्ति जन्तवः।
तस्मिन् क्षीणे विन्श्यन्ति तत्र का परिदेवना॥

As long as their karma lasts so long we see the animal here, the moment the karma is over, the animal is gone. what is there to brood over this ?

Karma theory is one of the most interesting vedantic models. A model, as in science [atomic mode for example] is not proved. It explains the happenings and we can use the model to predict what happens when we do a particular action. As long as the experiments do not show proof against it, the model remains valid.

Richard Feynman says in his Physics lectures: this is like a game of chess being played by the Gods. We are only allowed to watch the game and we form rules based on our observations. Every now and then we see a new move and we have to change the rules to accomodate that rule.

Thats how scientific inquiry goes. Karma model is the set of rules that govern the our actions and the results. Its a wonderful system. When its clearly understood, it resolves lot of mental conflicts by itself. coz there is clarity of vision it brings about . Let us see...

There are a few fundamental axioms of karma model :
a) Every action has a result.
b) The result takes shape only when the time is ripe.

Suppose i water a plant. The plant gives fruit only when season is ripe. just coz i acted now, i need not get a result immediately.
so when i act, there is a result. but the result may come now or may not come now. if it does not come now, it means it waiting in the backlog for appropriate time!!

What a clear model this is !
So someone works very hard, and fails in an exam. And then after a few years, he writes one more exam, and here he passes with very little effort ... why ? The previous preparation took shape here!! So the previous result which was waiting in queue too shape here !!

what a simple but clear model !!

so now ... when a particular result thats awaiting in the queue starts to take shape ... its like an arrow released from a bow! it started already ... its called prak-arabdha ... already started result. that is prarabdha karma.

this body is a result of prarabdha karma. we got this body as a result of some prarabdha karma. if my previous karma was bad, i would have got an animal body perhaps! so this body is a result of prarabdha karma ... given to us for the purpose of undoing some prarabdha karma ... through this body we get the result of some of the actions we did . and when the purpose of this body is done, it passes away!!

so the coming of the body and its passing away, all the results that we accure in between ... all of them are a result of prarabdha karma and the moment the karma is completed, the body is taken away ...

thats how its designed .
what is there to worry about all this ? whats there to brood over this ? every one is just going by his or her prarabdha ... thats the meaning of the verse .


The idea in presenting the karmic model is not to create a theory out of it.
These verses are to be meditated upon. Meditation, in this context, means to remain with their meaning.
When we do that, our excess attachment towards the objects of the world eventually reduces.
We need to bring this again and again to our mind and see things in that light.
These verses are true as they are. They are simple and very correct.
What one needs to do is just remain with the meaning and see things as they are.

Quote

ऋणानुबन्धरूपेण पशुपत्निसुतादयः।
ऋणक्षये क्षयँ यान्ति तत्र का परिदेवना॥

as per the debts of prarabdha karma, relations are developed in this world. animals, wife or children, they are all forms of debts of previous life. when the debts exhaust temselves, all these pass away, what is there to brood over this ?

Debts of prarabdha karma lead to various types of relationships. When two people come together, they come with their own bags of prarabdha karma and then their coming together is a way the prarabdha karma unfolds. Eventually as that particular karma gets exhausted, they separate away. Thats how the whole dynamics is. nothing can be changed in this -- just as the law of gravity cannot be modified. one just appreciates this fact and what ever errors in understanding exist in the nook and corners of our mind, we need to use this understanding to eliminate it.

So in every relationship, one needs to see that we people are together as there is some karma thats common between us and thats now unfolding. when this is done, we shall separate away. one needs to take this idea and see all relationships in that light. we are together because of karma runam the debts in karma. and when thats done we shall separate.

When we do this, our attachments reduce, we know that the relationships are short lived, so we spend the time we are together very comfortably. Each other's errors are forgiven, coz we know that karmas are unfolding differently.
indeed we all are travelling on different directions and different routes, we meet in between and then separate again!

So when this viveka, this understanding, is taken into the mind and we start looking at life as a flow we clearly see how this togetherness is only temporary; we develop vairagya. If we still remain attached and want a certain relationship to last longer than it is ... it means the understanding has not sinked in. There is no choice in this. in the flow of time we have absolutely no choice. we cannot chose to stop our travel in time. This needs to be clearly seen , do not really have any sort of choice over this and therefore any struggle against the flow of time is futile.

such understanding brings in lot of calmness are reduces conflicts of mind. it brings in acceptance.

Quote

पक्वानि तरूपर्णानि पतन्ति क्रमशो यथा।
तथैव जन्तवः काले तत्र का परिदेवना॥

As Even the ripe leaves of a tree drop one after the other
even this animal shall drop off, what is there to brood over this ?

These are really verses for meditation. The leaves of a tree drop and so also it is the case with this body, it shall also drop off.  One needs to start looking at life thus. The aim is to completely accept that things shall all pass away long before the things actually pass away. When we develop that attitude we tend to look at life as a constant flow. Yesterday is a leaf that has already fallen away. Today is a fresh leaf and by tomorrow this shall pass away. This is how life is configured. This is how things are all going on.
If we brood over it , its only due to non-acceptance. We do not accept, coz our "identity" seems to depend on it.  Since i do not know my true nature, I associate my identity with the objective world. The objective world seems to define me. Suppose I ask myself, who am i ? and the answer is  a name, a degree, sex, religious beliefs etc --- what does it mean ? Am i the name or do i have a name? am i the degree or do i have a degree ? am i the body or do i have a body ?


To mistake what i have with what i am is a fundamental mistake that is the cause for all sorrows. I have a body, i am not the body. Do we see the difference betweeen saying i have a dog and i am a dog ? People may not say that openly, but thats how they feel inside. Someone's dog is dying and this person needs to meet a psychiatrist. If we ask him "Why do you have psychological problems if your dog is dying", his reply would be "what am i if the dog is not there ?"


Thats how we define our identity with objects of the world. The objects dont make me. I AM, and everything else follows. But somehow i tend to identify with the objects and then the objects seem to define me... and as the objects die, we seem to worry and brood over it. To see the objects of the world as dying is the first step in losening this excess dependence on the objects of the world. We need to meditate on these verses and actually start seeing the world in this light. We need to see how leaves of this world are falling every moment. This is an attitude change. We need to develop this attitude and when we look at the world as a flow, we clearly see how beneath this flow is a changeless reality... the True ME, independent of all the changing entities. Thats when we no more try to hold onto anything - neither try to enforce something, nor try to stop something from happening: just pure witness. We now do not "be witness", we just "Are Witness", there is no choice in "being it" or "not being it". We are that witness and how else can we be that "Just Be"

Quote

एक वृक्षसमारूढा नानाजाति विहङ्गमाः।
प्रभते क्रमशो यान्ति तत्र का परिदेवना॥

Assembled on the same tree, birds of differed feathers.
as it dawns, they all leave one by one, what is there to brood over this ?

We are all like sojourners. We have our own paths and for a short period we come together in this journey and when the sojourn is over, the paths separate and we move away. The moment we forget that we are sojourners, we get attached to the people and events in life. Neither the people nor the events are going to last for ever, infact even as we see them they are moving apart constantly. And we suffer as we do not want it to change. Whenever we suffer, we can ask ourselves this interesting question: "What is it that we do not want to happen". We suffer means there is something happening an we do not wish that it happens. We are colliding with the events/ happenings. Thats when there is suffering. Whenever we find ourselves suffering, this is an interesting question we can put to ourselves " What is it that i am colliding with ?" "what is it that i do not want to happen ?" and what ever that is, we can stop going against it. Thus when one stops colliding with anything that happens, one stands liberated. The tendency to collide with what is happening is there because we do not understand that there is no point in collision. Something is moving away, something else is coming towards, in both the cases there is no need to conflict. This attitude is called acceptance and is very essential for a sadhaka.

Quote

इदँ काष्ठँ इदम् काष्ठँ नध्यँ वहतिसँगतः।
सँयोगाक्ष्च वियोगाक्ष्च का तत्र परिदेवना॥

This and that corpse are flowing together in a river.
They remain together for some time and then separate, what is thre to brood over this?

So what is really there to brood over this? Who is together and who gets separated in reality ? The Self is not at all touched by anything , whatsoever. And The bodies do not have a sense of togetherness. So who is getting seperated in reality ? From the standpoint of the bodies, there is no separation. From the stand point of the Self, there is no possibility of separation. Then who is getting separated ? Mind is doing this linking. How does it do that ? Please see... The body does not "Know", its a mere corpse. its floating in the river of time and when two corpse come together they do not "Feel" togetherness. When the corpse separate , they do not miss each other. Thats how they are. The Awareness which is the basis for all knowing is itself changeless and remains totally still and motionless. In that, there is no change possible. Awareness Just IS, it does not care whether these corpse come together or go away. A tsunami happens and millions of people die... Awareness is changeless still... not the least trace of movement. Such is awareness. Now mind associates the two and creates a sense of separation and togetherness and thats where all trouble starts.

Who is really this "I" which is really troubled or happy about these movements of the corpses ? If we see, the body does not know. Awareness does not care. Inbetween the body and the Awareness there are a few thoughts, but they come and they go that very moment !! However what happens is , a series of fast moving thoughts create the illusion t hat there is a real entity called "I" which is happy or unhappy with the events. There is really no "I" -- just the Awareness which is the "I" of all relative "I's". God alone is. None else. Hence no one to brood over all this! Just Be!

OM! Sri Guru charan arpitam astu! OM!

Types of Samadhi - Drk Drishya Viveka

There are six types of samadhi that a student is asked to practise in Drk-Drshya-Vivekam. The verses corresponding to these are basically taken directly from a upanishad called Saraswati-Rahasya-Upanishad.
Drk-Drshya-Vivekam itself is probably only a commentary on Saraswati-Rahasy-upanishad, as there are lot of verses picked verbatim.

Samadhi is Firm abidance as "I AM".

1. There are two kinds of Samadhi: Saviklpa and Nirvikalpa Samadhi.
2. Savikalpa-Samadhi is further divided into two types: internal or external.
3. With eyes open its external and with eyes closed its internal. [explained shortly]
4. Both internal and external samadhis are further divided into : drshyaanuviddha-savikalpa samadhi and shabdaanuviddha savikalpa samadhi.
5. Drshnyanuviddha savikalpa samasdhi is when a "Drshyam", is used as a "means" to remain as "Aham Asmi".
    External Drhsyanuviddha savikalpa samadhi is, for example, I see the Space ... and meditate on myself as
    space like "Presence" . Ultimately one lands at Aham Asmi, but then starts with the idea "Brahman is Like
    this space, in and through all objects".
   
    Internal Drhsyaanuviddha saviklpa samadhi is when The "External Space" is replaced by the "Mental Space"

6. Shabdanuviddha savikalpa samadhi is when a "Shabda" is used as a means to remain as "Aham Asmi". For
    example chanting Ribhu Gita. External, when this is done with eyes open. Internal when its done with eyes
    closed.

7. With eyes open means, the eyes are open, but the attention is totally turned inward and one remains as "I AM". This is also termed Shambhavi mudra [I think its an expression used by Patanjali maharshi somewhere. I am not sure].

8. When these are practised for sufficiently long, it is said that one gets into "Nirvikalpa Samadhi". Nirvikalpa Samadhi also can be with eyes open or eyes closed, but it hardly matters. As Ramana/Ramakrishna describe, this is said to be like a salt doll getting into ocean to measure its depth.

9. In all forms of Samadhi, its important to recognize that "I am neither going into samadhi nor  coming out", "I am that which is changeless", which is beyond all mental modifications. The practise of samadhi is to firmly abide as the one that does not undergo any change... "Aham Asmi" ... and not to say "I got into samadhi and now came out of it".

10. In internal drishyanuviddha savikalpa samadhi, when thought arises, attention is turned towards the one who recognizes its presence... meaning "Aham Asmi". This is Self enquiry as practise in my opinion.

11. Drk-Drshya-Vivekam says that when a person practises these for sufficiently long , this is what happens:
dehabhi mane galite vijnate paramatmani |
yatra yatra mano yaati tatra tatra samaadhayaH || (drk-drshya-viveka: 30)

the identification with body disappears and one remains as the Brahman.
And where ever the mind is, that itself is Samadhi.

I think this is sahaja stithi. This verse is also taken directly from Saraswati Rahasyopanishad [66 verse].


:) Lets also briefly note what Ramana has to say about Samadhi...

POST 17

Here is a conversation between annamalai swami and Ramana , pg 234 of Living by the words of bhagavan.

Quote

"Does Samadhi mean that one is unaware of everything ?" , I asked.
"No," said Bhagavan. "Mediation will go on without our effort. That is Samadhi"
"Then what is Sahaja Samadhi ?", I asked.
Bhagavan answered by saying , " In that state meditation will always be going on. In that State the thought , 'I am meditating' or 'I am not meditating' will not occur".

I then asked Bhagavan about periods in meditation when I was only aware of an all-pervasive blankness.
"Sometimes nothing is seen", I said. "Is this good?"
Bhagavan did not seem to approve of all these states, "In the beginning", he said, "It is good if meditators meditate with Self Awareness".

The state of Sahaja Samadhi contined to intrigue me. A few weeks later I asked him another question about it, "Can one practise sahaja samadhi right from the beginning?"
Bhagavan replied by saying that one could.
"But how to practise it ", I asked. "And how does one practise nirvikalpa samadhi ? How many different kinds of samadhi are there ?"
"There is only one kind of Samadhi", Said Bhagavan , "not many kinds. To remain temporarily subsided in the reality without any thought is nirvikalpa Samadhi. Permanently abiding in the Self without forgetting it is Sahaja Samadhi. Both will give the same happiness"

Sanata Kumara's story of Living a Liberated Life

This is a story I heard from Swami Tattvavidananda Saraswati of Arsha Vidya Gurukul:

 

Once Siva and Parvati were on their world tour and they see Santakumara seated in a small hut. Parvati immediately notices the splendor and the grace with which he was conducting. She asks Siva and in reply Siva tells her that he is a Great Jnani. Mother immediately says that we will go and give him some boon. Siva tells her "See, he is a Jnani. He does not care whether you go to him or not. He is totally unattached and treats everything as unreal. Its a waste of time". Still she goes to him and says "My son! I am really impressed by your Jnana. Siva himself calls you a Jnani. Please seek some boon". Santakumara says "Mother, I have nothing to ask. Thank you for the offer".
But Parvati does not agree. In order to please her,...he says "Mother, please grant that this needle , when I stich my shirt, should pass from one side to the other". She was a little perplexed and says "Thats not a wish. Ask something else". He looks up and says "Mother please bless that the sun should set in another 6 hours". Mother gets angry "You seem to be really proud!"

Santakumara says "Mother, its not pride, its actually lack of ego. I am just not able to think of anything else. I need nothing".

She says "Ok, since you do not seek a boon, ill give you a curse... You seem very proud , may you become a camel"
And so he becomes a camel.

A couple of years later, Siva and Parvati were passing by the same route when she sees the camel roaming about in the same premises. She goes to Santakumara and says "Child, I think you have had enough of this camel life, I'll now convert you back to your human form"

Santa kumara says "Mother, Thank you for the offer, but this upadhi [form] seems to be very comfortable. Earlier, I had to cook food, now I can eat any leaves here and there. Earleir I had to wear some dress, now I am fine without it. This is very comfortable, please allow me to continue thus"

Sri Annamalai Swami Says

Sri Annamalai Swami was a disciple of Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi. Here we shall note down some sayings of Annamalai Swami. Annamalai Swami was a Liberated person in his own right and I believe that Bhagavan Ramana's essential teachings are best conveyed through the works of Annamalai Swami.

Here is a short index for this topic: (the post numbers are listed)

1. Dont Get Attached to Temporary Mental states of Bliss: 1
2. Ignore Mind : 2,3,4,5,6,9
3. You are already the Self: 7,14
4. Ribhu Gita/Shastras as Aid to Self Enquiry: 8
5. Handling vasanas:11,12
6. Understanding that I am Self is a Must: 11
7: conviction:12,13
8. You Do not Need An Experience:7,15
9. Why Dont I See/Recognize Self ?: 15
10. Continuous Meditation: 16
11. True Meaning of Samadhi: 17
12: Manonasha is not thoughtlessness: 18
13. World is a Dream, Treat it as a dream: 19
14. Faith in Mind and Senses ? : 21

POST 1

Page 333 : living by the words of Bhagavan

Quote

Q: I feel that the bhakti path is an effortless way. When I enquire "Who am I" I feel that I must make a great effort to make the mind subside. The Bhakti path seems to be more sweet, more joyfull and more effortless.
A: It is always good to worship the guru, but abiding in the guru's teachings is far better. You follow the bhakti path if you want to but you should remember that its almost impossible for a devotee to judge whether he is making progress or not. you should not jump to the conclusion that you are not making any progress with your self inquiry simply because you find it hard to do. And you should not think tht you will make more progress as a bhakta simply because you find it easy to generate joyful states of mind.
The same consciousness which is within you and within bhagavan's form is within all forms. we must learn to contact this consciousness by being aware of this all the time.

Q: I know that Bhagavan is in all forms but some times I find it easier to feel his grace by concentrating on an image of him. Self inquiry is such hard work. One rarely finds blissful or peaceful doing it. sometimes i feel like treating myself to a little bliss by looking at bhagavan's picture for a while.
A: There is nothign wrong with looking at Bhagavan's picture. Thats a good practise. But you should not get sidetracked from our main objective which is establishing yourself as consciousness. dont get attached to states of bliss or give them priority over the quest for Self. If you become attached to peaceful or blissful states you may lose your interest in the main quest. It is good to feel blissful and peaceful but don’t indulge yourself in these states at the expense of self inquiry. If you realize the inner Self, if you realize that there is not an atom which is apart from Self, you will experience the real peace and bliss of the Self. You will be the peace or the bliss rather than being the experiencer of it. if you experience temporary states of peace or bliss in the mind, the experiencer of that peace or bliss will not want to subside into the Self and disappear.
Don’t get attached to mental peace. Go beyond it to the real peace which comes from being the Self

POST 2
Page 84 of Final Talks

Quote

What ever kind of thought arises, have the same reaction: 'Not me, not my business'. IT can be a good thought or a bad thought. Treat them the same way. To whom are these thoughts arising ? To You. That means you are not the thought.
You are the Self. Remain as the Self, and don't latch onto anything that is not the Self.

POST 3:

Page 86: Final Talks

Quote

Whatever thoughts come, ignore them. You have to ignore anything that is connected to the body-mind idea, anything that is based on the notion that you are the mind or the body. if you can do this, the raising of thought will not disturb or distract you. in a split second , it will run away.
All thoughts are distractiosn, including the thought ' i am meditating'. if you are the Self, darkness will not overcome you. what ever thoughts arise in that state wont affect you.

POST 4

Page 82 of final talks

Quote

Sadhana, effort and practise , and any ideas you may have about them, are concepts that can only arise when you believe that you are not the Self, and when you believe that you have to do something to reach the Self.
Even the sequence "to whom has this thought come? To me" is based on ignorance of the truth. Why? Because its verbalising a state of ignorance; its perpetuating an erroneous assumption that there is a person who is having troublesome thoughts. You are the Self not some make-believe person who is having thoughts

POST 5

Page 82, Final Talks

Quote

Remember , nothing that happens to mind is 'you', and none of it is your business. You dont have to worry about thoughts that rise up inside you.Its enough that you remember that the thoughts are not you.

POST 6:

Page 86 : Final Talks

Quote

Thoughts will come as long as the potential for them is inside you. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, they will keep coming.
There is nothing you can do about this flow, but at the same time, this flow of thoughts need not be a problem. Be the Self, be the peace that is your real nature, and it will not matter what comes up.

Post 7:

Page 292: living by the words of Bhagavan

Quote

Giving up the identity with the body and the mind is tapas, samadhi, dhyana and nishta.
Spiritual seekers have a very strange habit: they are always looking for a way to reach, attain,discover,experience, or realize the Self. They try many things because they cannot comprehend that they are already the Self. This is like running around looking for one's eyes with one's own eyes.
Why should you imagine that it is some new experience to be discovered or found ? You are the Self right now, and you are aware of it right now. Do you need a new experience to prove that you exist? The feeling "I am existing" is the Self. You pretend that you are not experiencing it, or cover it up with all kinds of false ideas, and then you run around looking for it as if it were something external to be reached or found. There is a story about someone like thus.
Once a king imagined that he was a poverty-striken peasant. He thought , "if I go and meet the king he may be able to help me by giving some money"
He searched for the king in many places but he could not find him anywhere. Ultimately he became very depressed because his search was not yeilding any results. One day he met a man on the road who asked him why he was so depressed.
He answered, " I am searching for the king. I think that he can solve all my problems and make me happy but I cant find him anywhere".
The man, who already recognized him, said with some astonishment, "But you yourself as the king!"
The king came to his senses and remembered who he was. His problems all ended the moment he remembered his real identity.
You may think that the king was fairly stupid but he had at least enough sense to recognize the truth when it was told to him.
The guru may tell his disciples a thousand times "You are the self, you are not what you imagine youself ot be", they all keep asking the guru for methods and routes to reach the place they are already are.

POST 8:

Page 293-294 living by the words of bhagavan

Quote

Q: Bhagavan said that repeating 'I am Self' or 'I am not the body' is an aid to enquiry but it does not constitute enquiry itself.
AS: The meditation "I am not the body or the mind, I am the immanent Self" is a great aid as long as one is not able to do self inquiry properly or constantly.
Bhagavan said, 'Keeping the mind in the heart is self-enquiry'. If you cannot do thys by asking "who am I?" or by taking the "I"-thought back to its source, then meditation on the awareness "I am the all pervasive Self" is a great aid.
Bhagavan often siad that we should read and study the Ribhu Gita regularly.
In Ribhu Gita its said: "That Bhavana "I am not the body, I am not the mind, I am Brahman, I am everything" is to be repeated again and again until it becomes natural state.
Bhagavan sat with us every day while we chanted extracts from Ribhu Gita which affirm the reality of the Self. Its true that he said that these repetitions are only an aid to self-enquiry, but they are very powerful aids.
By practising this way the mind becomes more and more attuned to the reality. When the mind has become purified by this practise its easier to take it back to the source and keep it there. when one is able to abide in the Self directly, one does not need aids like this. But if this is not possible these practises can definitely aid.

POST 9

Quote

How to give up this false idea that mind is real ?
Annamalai Swami Answers: the same way that you give up any wrong idea. you simply stop believing in it. if this does not happen spontaneously when u hear the truth from a teacher, keep telling yourself "i am not the mind, i am not the mind. There is no mind; there is no mind. consciousness alone exists". if you have firm conviction that this is the truth, one day this firm conviction will mature to the point where it becoems your direct experience.

POST 10:

Living by the Words of Bhagavan , pg 281

Quote

If you try to meditate without understanding that your real nature is Self, and Self alone, your meditation practise will only lead you to more mental bondage.
Bhagavan once said, 'To keep the mind in the Self, all you have to do is remain still'
To realize the Self you dont actually have to do anything except be still. Just give up the identifying with the mind and hold onto the Self. That is enough. Be still and cultivate the awareness 'I am the Self;the Self is all'. What difficulties can arise from doing a simple practise like this ?

POST 11:

Pg 282 of Living by the words of Bhagavan

Quote

Doing any sadhana without first understanding that the individual self is non-existent is self-indulgence. Its a form of spiritual entertainment in which the illusory "I" plays games with itself.
Saint Tayumanuvar once said,'Why all these maha yogas ? All these yogas are maya!'
When I say, 'Meditate on the Self' , I am asking you the be the Self, not think about it. Be aware of what remains when thoughts stop. Be aware of the consciousness that is the origin of all your thoughts. Be that consciousness. Feel that that is what you reall are. If you do this you are meditating on the Self. But if you cannot stabilise in that consciousness because your vasanas are too strong and too active , its beneficial to hold onto the thought 'I am Self, I am everything' If you meditate in this way you will not be cooperating with the vasanas that are blocking the Self-awareness. If you do not cooperate with the vasanas, sooner or later they are bound to leave you.
If this method does not appeal to you , then just watch the mind with full attention. Whenever the mind wanders, become aware of it. See how thoughts connect with each other and watch how this ghost called mind catches hold of your thoughts and says 'This is my thought'. Watch the ways of mind without identifying with them in any way. If you give your mind your full detached attention, you begin to understand the futility of all mental activities. Watch the mind wandering here and there , seeking out useless or unnecessary things or ideas which will ultimately create more misery for itself. Watching the mind gives us the knowledge of the inner processes. It gives us an incentive to stay detached from all our thoughts. Ultimately if we try hard enough, it gives us the ability to remain as consciousness , unaffected by transient thoughts

POST 12

pg 274 , of living by the words of bhagavan

Quote

The best mantra is "i am the self, everything is my Self. Everything is one" If you keep this in your mind all the time, Self will eventually reveal itself to you.
Dont be statisfied with rituals and other kindergarten techniques. If you are serious, head directly for the self. Hold onto it as tenaciously as you can and dont let anything or anyone loosen your grip.

POST 13:

Pg 260 of Living by the words of Bhagavan

Quote

You must generate the conviction, "I am the all-pervasive consciousness in which all bodes and minds in the world are appearing and disappearing. I am that consciousness which remains unchanged and unaffected by these appearances and disappearances ". Stabilise yourself in that  conviction. Thats all you need to do.

Post 14:

Living by the words of bhagavan , conversations

Quote

Q.: What is the easiest way to be free of the 'little self'?
Annamalai Swami: Stop identifying with it. If you can convince yourself, 'This little self is not really me,' it will disappear.

Q.: But how to do that?
AS.: The little self is something that only appears to be real. If you understand that it has no real existence it will disappear, leaving behind it the experience of the real and only Self. Understand that it has no real existence and it will stop troubling you.
Consciousness is universal. There is no limitation or 'little self' in it. It is only when we identify with and limit ourselves to the body and the mind that this false sense of self is born. If, through enquiry, you go to the source of the 'little self', you find that it dissolves into nothingness.

Q.: But I am very accustomed to feel 'I am this 'little self' '. I cannot break this habit merely by thinking 'I am not this 'little self''.
AS.: This 'little self' will only give way to the real Self if you meditate constantly. You cannot wish it away with a few stray thoughts. Try to remember the analogy of the rope which looks like a snake in twilight. If you see the rope as snake the real nature of the rope is hidden from you. If you only see the rope the snake is not there. Not only that - you know that there never was a snake there. (Then) the question of how to kill the snake disappears... If you can understand that this 'little self' never at any time had any existence outside your imagination, you will not be concerned about ways and means of getting rid of it.

Q.: It is all very clear but I feel I need some help. I am not sure that i can generate this conviction by myself.
AS.: The desire for assistance is part of your problem. Don't make the mistake of imagining that there is a goal to be reached or attained. If you think like this you will start looking for methods to practice and people to help you. This just perpetuates the problem you are trying to end. Instead, cultivate the strong awareness, 'I am the Self. I am That. I am Brahman. I am everything.'.. The best way to (stop believing the wrong ideas about yourself) is to replace them with ideas which more accurately reflect the real state of affairs. ...
The Self is always attained, it is always realized; it is not something that you have to seek, reach or discover. Your vasanas and all the wrong ideas you have about yourself are blocking and hiding the experience of the real Self. If you don't identify with these wrong ideas, your Self-nature will not be hidden from you.

POST 15:

Q: You say that everything is the Self, even maya. If this is so, why cant I see the Self clearly ? If this is so, why can't I  see the Self clearly ?
Why is it hidden from me ?

AS: Because you are looking in the wrong direction. You have the idea that the Self is something that you see or experience . This is not so. The Self is the Awareness or consciousness in which the seeing and the experiencing take place.
Even if you don't see the Self, the Self is still there. Bhagavan some times remarked humorously: "People just open a newspaper and glance through it. Then they sau , ' I have seen the paper'. But really they haven't seen the paper , they have only seen the letters without the paper, but people always forget the paper while they are reading the words "

Bhagavan would then use this analogy to show that while people see the names and forms that appear on the screen of consciousness, they ignore the screen itself. With this kind of partial vision its easy to come to the conclusion that all forms are unconnected with each other and separate from the peron who sees them. If people were to be aware of the consciousness instead of the forms that appear in it, they would realize that all forms are just appearances which manifest within the one invisible consciousness.

That consciousness is the Self that you are looking for. You can be that consciousness but you can never see it because its not something that is separate from you.

Pg: 265-6 of Annamalai Swami 's living by the words of bhagavan.
This is called Recognition.

POST 16:pg 271-2, Living by the words of bhagavan

      Continuous inhalation and exhalation are necessary for continuation of life. Continuous meditation is necessary for all those who want to stay in the Self.
You divide your life up into different activities: "I am eating", "I am meditating", "I am working", etc. If you have ideas like these you are still identifiying with the body. Get rid of all these ideas and replace them with the single thought , "I am Self", Hold onto that idea and dont let it go. Dont give these "I am the body" ideas any attention.
"I must eat now", "I will go to sleep now", "I will have a bath now", all thoughts like these  are I am the body thoughts. Learn to recognize them when they arise and learn to ignore them or deny them. Stay firmly seated in the Self and dont allow the mind to identify with anything that the body does.

POST 17

Here is a conversation between annamalai swami and Ramana , pg 234 of Living by the words of bhagavan.

Quote

"Does Samadhi mean that one is unaware of everything ?" , I asked.
"No," said Bhagavan. "Mediation will go on without our effort. That is Samadhi"
"Then what is Sahaja Samadhi ?", I asked.
Bhagavan answered by saying , " In that state meditation will always be going on. In that State the thought , 'I am meditating' or 'I am not meditating' will not occur".

I then asked Bhagavan about periods in meditation when I was only aware of an all-pervasive blankness.
"Sometimes nothing is seen", I said. "Is this good?"
Bhagavan did not seem to approve of all these states, "In the beginning", he said, "It is good if meditators meditate with Self Awareness".

The state of Sahaja Samadhi contined to intrigue me. A few weeks later I asked him another question about it, "Can one practise sahaja samadhi right from the beginning?"
Bhagavan replied by saying that one could.
"But how to practise it ", I asked. "And how does one practise nirvikalpa samadhi ? How many different kinds of samadhi are there ?"
"There is only one kind of Samadhi", Said Bhagavan , "not many kinds. To remain temporarily subsided in the reality without any thought is nirvikalpa Samadhi. Permanently abiding in the Self without forgetting it is Sahaja Samadhi. Both will give the same happiness"

Post 18:

This is From living by the words of bhagavan :

Page 267, conversations with Annamalai Swami

Quote

Nothing can cause bondage for the Jnani because his mind is dead. In the absence of mind he knows himself only as consciousness. Because the mind is dead, he is no longer able to identify himself with the body. But even though he knows that he is not the body, its a fact that the body is still alive. That body will continue to live, and the Jnani will continue to be aware of it, until its own karma is exhausted. Because the jnani is aware of the body, he will also be aware of the thoughts and vasanas that arise in that body. None of these vasanas has the power to cause bondage for him because he never identifies with them, but they do have the power to make the body behave in certain ways. The body of the jnani enjoys and experiences thses vasanas although the jnani himself is not affected by them. that is why its some times said that for the jnani there are bhoga vasanas but no bandha vasanas.

The bhoga vasanas differ from jnani to jnani. some jnanis may accumulate wealth, some may sit in silence; some may study the sastras while others may remain illiterate; some may get married and raise families but others may become celibate monks. it is the bhoga vasanas which determine the kind of lifestyle a jnani will lead. The jnani is aware of the consequences of these vasanas without identifying with them. Because of this he never falls back into samsara again.

The vasanas arise because of habits and practices of previous life times. that is why they differ from jnani to jnani. When vasanas rise in ordinary people who still identify with the body and the mind, they cause likes and dislikes. some vasanas are embraced whole heartedly  while others are rejected as being undesirable. These likes and dislikes generate desires and fears which in turn produce more karma. while you are still making judgements about what is good and what is bad, you are identifying with the mind and making new karmas for yourself. when new karma has been created like this, it means that you have to take another birth to enjoy it.

The jnani's body carries out all the acts which are destined for it. But because the jnani makes no judgements about what is good or bad, and because he has no likes and dislikes, he is not creating any new karma for himself. because he knows that he is not the body, he can witness all its activities without getting involved in them in any way. There will be no rebirth for the jnani because once the mind has been destroyed, there is no possibility of any new karma being created.

POST 19:

Annamalai Swami pg 24 of Final Talks

Quote

Everything we see in this waking state is a dream. These dreams are our thoughts made manifest. Bad thoughts make bad dreams and good thoughts make good dreams, and if you have no thoughts , you dont dream at all. But even if you do dream, you must understand that your dream is also the Self. You dont have to supress thoughts or be absolutely thoughtless to abide as the SElf. If you know that even your waking and sleeping dreams are the Self, then the thoughts and the dreams they produce can do on. They will not be a problem for you any more. Just be the Self at all times. In this state you will know that everything that appears to you is just a dream.

in pg 25, he further explains:

Quote

The waking state which you take to be real, is just an unfolding of dream that has appeared to you and minifested in front of you on account of some hidden desires or fears. Your vasanas sprout and expand miraculously , creating a whole waking-dream world for you. See it as a dream. Recognize that it is just an expansion of your thoughts. Dont lose sight of the Self, the substratum on which this vast believable dream is projected. IF you hold onto the knowledge "I am Self", you will know that the dreams are laso the Self, and you wont get entangled in them.

POST 20:

When the mind appears every morning don't jump to the usual conclusion, "This is me; these thoughts are mine." Instead, watch these thoughts come and go without identifying with them in any way. If you can resist the impulse to claim each and every thought as your own, you will come to a startling conclusion: you will discover that you are the consciousness in which the thoughts appear and disappear. You are allowed to run free. Like the snake which appears in the rope, you will discover that the mind is only an illusion which appears through ignorance or misperception.

You want some experience which will convince you that what I am saying is true. You can have that experience if you give up your life-long habit of inventing an 'I' which claims all thoughts as 'mine'. Be conscious of yourself as consciousness alone, watch all the thoughts come and go. Come to the conclusion, by direct experience, that you are really consciousness itself, not its ephemeral contents.

Clouds come and go in the sky but the appearance and disappearance of the clouds doesn't affect the sky. Your real nature is like the sky, like space. Just remain like the sky and let thought-clouds come and go. If you cultivate this attitude of indifference towards the mind, gradually you will cease to identify yourself with it.


POST 21:

Q: I know that listening to the Guru and believing his words is important. When he says, 'You are the Self. The world is not real," and so on, I can accept that what he says is true, but my belief in the truth of those words does not seem to make it my experience.

Annamalai Swami: You must believe the Guru and you must also believe your own experience because the Guru is not telling you to add another belief to your mind. He is instead telling you to look at your own experience of yourself, and in doing so, disregard everything else.

There is a story that Ram Tirtha used to tell. A man who was a little mad lived in a small village with his wife. His friends liked to tease him and make fun of him because they all thought he was stupid.

One day, one of them said, 'We have some bad news for you. Your wife has become a widow.'

He believed them and started crying out in grief, 'My wife has become a widow! My wife has become a widow!'

Some of the people he passed on the street laughed at him and said, 'Why are you mourning? You are very much alive. How can your wife be a widow if you yourself are alive to complain about it?'

'My closest friends have told me this,' he replied, 'and I trust them. They are very reliable people. If they are saying that my wife has become a widow, it must be true.'

We would think that a man who behaved like this was utterly stupid because he chose to believe the words of others instead of his own experience. But are we any better? We believe, on the basis of indirect information provided by the senses, that we are the body. The experience of 'I am', of the Self, is present in all of us, but when the mischievous senses gang up on us and try to make us believe something that is patently untrue, we believe them and ignore our direct experience.

Then we grieve about our state, lamenting, 'I am bound; I am unenlightened; I am not free'.

And even when the Guru comes along and says, 'You are the Self. You are free. Why do you insist on believing this misinformation that the mischievous senses are giving you?' still you do not believe the truth.

You tell him, "The senses have always given me reliable information in the past. I have learned to trust them. What they tell me must be true.'

And so you go on grieving and complaining, even when your direct experience and the words of the Guru agree with each other and reveal the truth.

~ Annamalai Swami, Final Talks, edited by David Godman